Bump Board: 19 Weeks & Update!

Hello all! I know I missed my bump board blog post last week for 18 weeks, but I've been going through some personal issues that I needed to focus on. Everything still isn't completely 100% but a lot like my mama, I'm strong and always overcome the obstacles put in my way <3 & this will be no different. Life comes with trials and struggles and you can either run from them or learn from them. It's okay to step back once in awhile and just focus on YOU and your own life and issues. I'll update more on current things going on. But first... 

Here's my 18 week bump board from the week I missed...

I had the 2nd part of my sequential screen, and all my results came back normal. Nothing to be worried about on that front. Had an OB visit and little ladies heartbeat was 145 BPM. I love hearing that song. She was the size of a sweet potato last week! :) 

As I had mentioned before this is a successful pregnancy after a devastating loss. This pregnancy isn't something I expected to happen and it surely wasn't something we were trying for. We had tried for some time and after my cervical cancer issues the doctor told me my odds were pretty low of getting pregnant again, so although we tried nothing happened. I tracked my period, checked when I ovulated (but definitely tried to not focus on that) and still nothing happened. Every ailment and symptom I've experienced this time around has honestly been such a blessing, even if sometimes it drives me crazy. I wouldn't trade in anything I'm going through now for anything. Although the nerves I have this time around are like nothing I've experienced before. And then coupled with the personal issues I'm going through it didn't really help out too much. (Don't worry health wise I am all and so is my baby girl!<3)  I know some people are pro-choice and in some instances I believe I am too... but knowing the devastation I suffered over a unwanted loss I can't imagine anyone wanting to willingly go through that pain and know what they're doing is something they've CHOSEN. It's something I have never believed in fully. My views have changed as I've gotten older and I now believe in some cases it has to be done, but I definitely think theres better options out there. In my own opinion I believe that if you're being sexually active and you don't want to get pregnant, you should take all necessary precautions to ensure it doesn't happen. Birth control, condoms, etc. So many people out there want to have babies and so many people aren't able ... so it's just something that weighs on my mind from time to time when I think of women that just go out and have unprotected sex and are promiscuous and then they go and have abortions like it's nothing. And after so many you'd think they'd get a punch card for how many they have.... its just ridiculous to me. 

...Especially after what I went through and experienced and what I know so many other women have gone through. It's just God awful in my opinion. I have friends that have terminated pregnancies, and friends that are fully pro-choice and I don't think any less of them for it, but these are my own values and my own beliefs. I just feel as though abortion shouldn't be considered if you're not being careful yourself. You make the decision to lay down and have sex, so you should be mindful of possible consequences from it happening. Again, there are specific instances in which sometimes it is necessary - rape, incest, disease, a life of suffering for the child, etc. In those cases I truly understand. What I don't understand is someone willingly terminating a pregnancy because they "don't want it".

That's all I'm saying. 

On to happier things... 

my 19 week bump board <3 

She is the size of a mango! Can't believe that next week I'll already be halfway through my pregnancy. Now is when it usually flies by...except for the last month of pregnancy which I think has 749 days in it ;) Haha. I have been feeling little flutters and they seem pretty distinct. Nothing that can be felt from the outside just yet though. I swear any time I put my hands on my belly to feel her moving she stops...stubborn -- just like me. Imagine that ;) 

Little Miss is around 6 inches now and weighs about 8.5 ounces <3 

Pregnancy is so amazing to me. The changes a woman goes through and the struggles and different things she experiences just to bring new life into this world... All completely worth it. 

I'm pretty tired as of lately. Had some energy there but it's significantly diminished and I just want to sleep. A LOT. But obviously being the mommy of a busy 3 year old makes naps next to impossible. I've only gained 10 pounds at this point, and I am still carrying pretty small. My boobs feel like the heaviest part of me right now so that also means super fun backaches :( Luckily, Ray will help me out with a massage once in awhile, but I am going to be looking into a prenatal massage and hopefully that'll do some wonders for me. Although massages kinda creep me out, lol. I don't know why, but they do. I prefer my husbands hands to a strangers if that makes any sense. Bedtime is usually a fun routine these days... it takes me forever to get comfortable & then I'm restless a lot at night and I'm tossing and turning for a good portion of the night. My bed seems really comfy when I lay down in it at night but when I wake up I feel crippled. Shortness of breath has become my own worst enemy as well. I get out of breath over the littlest things. Walking up steps, around the grocery store, getting out of the car. I get really faint at times too. Which they say is all common during this stage in the game. Sciatic nerve pain has also returned and my bad hip is acting up - which is also thanks in large part to this crappy, cold winter! Also.... freaking hemorrhoids. Ugh! How embarrassing and awful. I asked my OB about it because they weren't going away, but they aren't bothering me. She said because I've been pregnant before and the pressure of my uterus I could have them the whole time or they could go away. The pressure makes them appear, plus constipation and all that fun stuff. It sucks, but like I said to be pregnant again is a real blessing, so as much as I want a normal butthole (hahaha) I can deal with this to have my healthy, beautiful baby girl <3 

My Pretty Pretty Princess <3 

• Developing a protective coating over her skin, called vernix caseosa. It's greasy and white and you may see some of it at her birth.
• Working on her five senses. Nerve cells for her sense of taste, hearing, sight and smell are developing in her brain.
• No quicks anyone else can feel yet, but I definitely feel them now.. somewhat frequent but not as frequent as they will be soon. Definitely something I can't wait for. <3 One of the most exciting parts of being pregnant. 
• Her anatomy scan is scheduled for March 16th <3 And I can't wait to see her on ultrasound again! <3 And I'm hopefully going to be feeling tons of kicks by then. I'll be drinking OJ beforehand again like my best friend had suggested before and I had a little wiggle worm in there =) 

Not much has been going on (other than the personal stuff) I work out when I can and I eat right... the cold weather is kind of a bother and I don't like to go out that much because I absolutely despise the cold. Been living in yoga pants and leggings and comfy clothes. I'm freaking out a little bit about weight gain but also not trying to let that consume me because I'm not overeating and making a big of myself just because I'm pregnant. 

Current Stresses:

1. Normal stresses of being pregnant after a loss. I worry more than I should but it's lessened a lot more than in the beginning. Im confident and I know that God's got this. But I worry a lot. Especially when I don't feel kicking yet and I'm almost 20 weeks but I felt them with Caleb a little later I think. Every pregnancy is also different. Gotta keep telling myself that.
2. Weight Gain. Something that can be completely handled and maintained the proper way without depriving myself or the baby girl of any nutrients. I just have a huge fear of becoming overweight *(logical right?)*  considering I lost a lot of weight. I try to work out as much as possible but back pain, hip pain and sciatic nerve pain make it kinda tough. Hoping to get an elliptical or something.
3. Biggest stress?? Where we live. We want to get out of here really bad. For a few reasons. Mainly the noise and the fact that nothing is done about it by our landlord. We have dealt with it for quite some time and now being pregnant makes it even worse. So we have some things to consider in terms of that and possibly breaking our lease without penalty. I am looking at a bunch of different rental properties and have emailed many realtors so I am hoping I can find something and all goes smoothly. Prayers appreciated <3 

That's about all that's going on in my neck of the woods. Got a baby shower to plan, things to do. And life to live. I can't wait for spring. And for summer. <3 

Hope everyone is having a good weekend :) 

- xoxo, Jenna 

Divine Appointment

I truly believe that God has a plan for all of us. That there's a reason as to why things happen whether they're good or bad, why certain people come into your life and when. 

Last September 2013 when i miscarried I was devastated. I was besides myself with grief and I had no idea how I was going to overcome the sadness in me. Eventually I did and I truly believed that God had a bigger plan for my unborn child even if that wasn't with me. I had almost lost all hope that another baby would be in my future. And I lost my way.. My faith dwindled again... Losing my mom and a baby in the same year? I felt like it was some type of cruel joke. And the universe was laughing at me. 

But then my period was 2 days late and those 2 lines popped up. A mix of emotions all at one time... Definitely happiness but more overwhelming fear than anything else. "Was this really happening?"; "maybe my test is defective."; "what if the same thing happens again?" All normal fears for someone who had lost a baby a year before. So when I tried really hard not to get my hopes up. I tried telling myself that I shouldn't get excited because I didn't know what was going on... I should wait to see the doctor and they can tell me more when I go. But yet...I found myself telling my best friends that I was pregnant and they shared in my excitement and my joy. But also encouraged me to know that being fearful is something completely normal. Especially after what I had been through. 

This is where "divine appointment" comes into play. On December 1st I went for my "pregnancy confirmation" ultrasound. This was it. D-DAY. This appointment held so much. This was when I would find out if I was successfully pregnant or had to begin on the road to recovery yet again after suffering the loss of a pregnancy.

My ultrasound tech was wonderful. I forget her name but I wish I remembered it so I could thank her. She wasn't originally supposed to have me to scan but something told her that she should scan me. I told her a little bit about myself, told her my story of miscarriage and how devastating it was. How excited and fearful I was for this pregnancy. & how I was SO afraid that something would be wrong. How I felt God had a bigger plan for my miscarried little angel. And then she scanned my belly & together we saw the little heartbeat flickering on the screen. 

We cried together. This woman I had never met until that day was crying with me over the heartbeat of my unborn baby. She talked to me about God's will. And how she felt that God had sent her to me to help me with my faith. She wasn't supposed to scan me but said she would at the last minute... She said it was God's divine appointment. There was a reason she chose to scan me. I asked her questions about God and told her how I had wanted to get closer to Him. Explained the loss of my mother and baby destroyed the little faith I had left. She gave me the information about her church, Glad Tidings Church in West Lawn, PA. I thanked her and I went on my way. She impacted me so much that day. A woman I had never met before that moment impacted me in the biggest of ways. She showed me my unborn baby, took the time to show me everything I wanted to see. I was only 6 weeks and 2 days so there wasn't much to see. But nonetheless she showed me. 

Divine Appointment. It's a funny thing how the Lord works. Brings people into your life and with good reason. I would have never encountered that woman or learned about her church had it not been for my ultrasound appointment that day. Because of her I found a church that I truly connect with & enjoy. Im able to attend online services from the comfort of home since I can't get there all the time. And I truly LOVE it. What an amazing technology this is! 

Divine. Appointment. God had a reason. He had a reason for taking my mother away and for having me miscarry in September 2013. 

Had it not been for all I've experienced I may never have gotten my faith back. Had I not lost my unborn child I never would have changed OB/GYNs & ended up at PMMC getting scanned by an ultrasound tech that changed my life. I wouldn't have gotten my faith back in the Lord. I mean maybe I would have. But maybe not in this way. Had I not lost the baby in September 2013 I may never have ventured back to church. But I did lose the baby, and I lost my faith. I lost my way. Until now. That woman changed my life. 

God has a bigger plan. He always does. He knew what He was doing when he had me lose my baby, He was preparing me for something bigger and better. For a relationship with Him to be stronger than it ever was before! He sent me this woman to tell me about her church and all it had to offer me. And I'm blessed to have met this woman. And I thank her from the bottom of my heart. 

Divine appointment is a beautiful thing.

Have a great Sunday!

Xoxo, Jenna