Justice For Leelah Alcorn

For all those parents browsing #LeelahAlcorn let me ask you this, what is more difficult, accepting your child as transgender or having to bury them because you couldn't?!

My death needs to mean something.

FIX IT. FIX SOCIETY. PLEASE.

They are the words we have left from Leelah Alcorn. 

Leelah's death does mean something. To people all over the world that are grieving a young woman's life lost and the parents that did nothing to stop it. All because they just couldn't accept the life their daughter wanted for herself. 

Leelah set up a time stamped post to be posted to her Tumblr after she had already taken her own life. 

Leelah's parents NEVER accepted her as a transgender woman. In fact they did everything to tell her that it was just a phase. Put her into therapy with only Christian therapists who told her she was betraying God. 

Leelah had some advice for parents of transgender teens and children.

She begged them to never tell their child that being transgender is “a phase,” “that God doesn’t make mistakes,” or that they can never truly be the gender they feel they are. 

"If you are reading this, parents, please don’t tell this to your kids. Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don’t ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won’t do anything but make them hate them self. That’s exactly what it did to me." 

Being transgender isn't a phase. It isn't something that someone is going to grow out of. Leelah felt trapped in a boys body from the age of 4 years old. FOUR.  And all her parents could do was shun her and refuse to accept who Leelah was. What kind of parent does that?!? 

As a parent myself I want to say that I could understand the shock of having your child tell you that they are transgender. Honestly, who wouldn't be somewhat taken aback by that? But. To drive your child to the point of taking their own life? To call it a phase when it was something that had been ongoing since they were 4 years old? SHAME ON YOU ALCORN PARENTS. SHAME ON YOU. Leelah wanted to be accepted and loved by her own flesh and blood and she couldn't even be given that. Even after her death, Leelah's "mother" posted a status that read: 

Leelah was 17 when she died, not 16. And even after she had passed her mother still referred to her as "Joshua Ryan Alcorn".

That Facebook has since been made private and the post was deleted. 

Leelah even sent out a sorry note on Tumblr apologizing to those she was leaving behind. Those she loved and would miss. To her parents she simply said,

"Fuck you. You can't just control other people like that. That's messed up."

How terrible of a parent must one be that even when their child, their daughter, was going to kill herself that her only words to you were "fuck you"? And RIGHTFULLY SO. 

THEY are the ones that drove Leelah to end her young, not fully-lived beautiful life. Because they couldn't accept who their daughter was. There is nothing wrong with being transgender. To be able to come out as transgender is a beautiful, admirable thing. 

How many young people are going to have to die before we as a society accept that being transgender is biological, not a sin, and not a problem? It's the same as when someone is gay. Someone doesn't just wake up one morning and say "I think I'm going to be gay today." It's how we are born. It's in our DNA. And there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. Gay, Lesbian, Straight, Bi-Sexual, Transgender - we are all beautiful human beings. We are ALL PEOPLE that should be accepted and loved for who we ARE not for our sexual orientation. How many young lives are going to end like the life of Leelah Alcorn? THINGS NEED TO CHANGE. WE NEED TO SPREAD LEELAH'S VOICE. HER MESSAGE. TO THE WORLD. TO ANYONE THAT WILL LISTEN.

We are HER voice now. Because she no longer has one. She was driven to suicide at the hands of hateful, disapproving, "parents" who refused to let her transition and told her she was wrong. And when Leelah tried to "lessen the burden" for her parents by just coming out as gay at school they acted as though she was attacking their image and acted as though Leelah was an embarrassment to them. Pardon my French, but WHO THE FUCK DO THEY THINK THEY ARE TO TELL THEIR DAUGHTER WHO TO BE IN LIFE??!

Taking their daughter out of public school, taking away her laptop and phone, isolating her completely from any social media?!  They drove Leelah to this. This horribly tragic and heartbreaking ending. 

They might as well have pushed Leelah in front of the truck themselves. 

LEELAH ALCORN DESERVES JUSTICE.

Her parents should be punished.

The blood of their own daughter is on their hands.

Stemmed from their hatred.

Disapproval.

Love.

Ignorance.

YOU DON'T DESTROY THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE.

YOU JUST DONT. 

We are supposed to love our children unconditionally, no matter what. They need to know that even if we aren't happy with something they might be doing that we still LOVE THEM. No matter what. And if you, as a parent, CHOOSE to show them otherwise then you have FAILED as a parent and as a human being. 

I am a firm supporter of the LGBT community. And I always will be. I couldn't ever imagine not accepting my child for how they were born and who they are. If my son came out to me one day I would never shun him or make him feel as though he were "wrong" or inferior or an embarrassment. He would know that he was still forever loved and forever accepted. I would never make him feel as though he shamed God or our family for who he was. Because as parents that is WRONG. It is vicious and heinous. And I could NEVER live with myself knowing that I didn't do everything I possibly could to make my child feel loved and accepted and they felt that ending their own life was the only way out. 

FIX SOCIETY. PLEASE. 

Leelah is begging us to fix it. 

NO MORE HATE.

NO MORE BULLYING.

NO MORE JUDGMENT. 

What happened to Leelah was 100% PREVENTABLE. This could have been stopped. Her parents could have easily said, "Leelah we love you, no matter what, & we are here for you." And guess what? Leelah would still be here. But she isn't. Because her parents drove her to this. 

"Fuck you. You can't just control other people like that. That's messed up."

THAT is how your own daughter  felt about you because of how you treated her, even up until her last breath. That she was hated and unloved by her own parents. 

They claim to be Christians. Religious, and children of God. 

They are monsters. 

Christians, if you reject abortion, but refuse to love your LGBTQ children, please don't bother to call yourselves "pro-life."

So parents I will ask you again... what is more difficult for you? Not accepting and loving your child as transgender or having to plan their funeral at the hands of your own doing?

Josh Leelah Alcorn deserves justice from her death. Because she didn't get the justice she deserved in life. Leelah Alcorn was a vibrant young woman with an entire life ahead of her. & it was tragically cut short because of no acceptance. 

WE ARE LEELAH'S VOICE. 

Your death means everything, Leelah.

We will FIX SOCIETY.

#JusticeForLeelah #RIPLeelahAlcorn #ProtectTransKids #FixSociety #BeLeelahsVoice #Equality #Love #ProudSupporter

Xoxo, Jenna

Divine Appointment

I truly believe that God has a plan for all of us. That there's a reason as to why things happen whether they're good or bad, why certain people come into your life and when. 

Last September 2013 when i miscarried I was devastated. I was besides myself with grief and I had no idea how I was going to overcome the sadness in me. Eventually I did and I truly believed that God had a bigger plan for my unborn child even if that wasn't with me. I had almost lost all hope that another baby would be in my future. And I lost my way.. My faith dwindled again... Losing my mom and a baby in the same year? I felt like it was some type of cruel joke. And the universe was laughing at me. 

But then my period was 2 days late and those 2 lines popped up. A mix of emotions all at one time... Definitely happiness but more overwhelming fear than anything else. "Was this really happening?"; "maybe my test is defective."; "what if the same thing happens again?" All normal fears for someone who had lost a baby a year before. So when I tried really hard not to get my hopes up. I tried telling myself that I shouldn't get excited because I didn't know what was going on... I should wait to see the doctor and they can tell me more when I go. But yet...I found myself telling my best friends that I was pregnant and they shared in my excitement and my joy. But also encouraged me to know that being fearful is something completely normal. Especially after what I had been through. 

This is where "divine appointment" comes into play. On December 1st I went for my "pregnancy confirmation" ultrasound. This was it. D-DAY. This appointment held so much. This was when I would find out if I was successfully pregnant or had to begin on the road to recovery yet again after suffering the loss of a pregnancy.

My ultrasound tech was wonderful. I forget her name but I wish I remembered it so I could thank her. She wasn't originally supposed to have me to scan but something told her that she should scan me. I told her a little bit about myself, told her my story of miscarriage and how devastating it was. How excited and fearful I was for this pregnancy. & how I was SO afraid that something would be wrong. How I felt God had a bigger plan for my miscarried little angel. And then she scanned my belly & together we saw the little heartbeat flickering on the screen. 

We cried together. This woman I had never met until that day was crying with me over the heartbeat of my unborn baby. She talked to me about God's will. And how she felt that God had sent her to me to help me with my faith. She wasn't supposed to scan me but said she would at the last minute... She said it was God's divine appointment. There was a reason she chose to scan me. I asked her questions about God and told her how I had wanted to get closer to Him. Explained the loss of my mother and baby destroyed the little faith I had left. She gave me the information about her church, Glad Tidings Church in West Lawn, PA. I thanked her and I went on my way. She impacted me so much that day. A woman I had never met before that moment impacted me in the biggest of ways. She showed me my unborn baby, took the time to show me everything I wanted to see. I was only 6 weeks and 2 days so there wasn't much to see. But nonetheless she showed me. 

Divine Appointment. It's a funny thing how the Lord works. Brings people into your life and with good reason. I would have never encountered that woman or learned about her church had it not been for my ultrasound appointment that day. Because of her I found a church that I truly connect with & enjoy. Im able to attend online services from the comfort of home since I can't get there all the time. And I truly LOVE it. What an amazing technology this is! 

Divine. Appointment. God had a reason. He had a reason for taking my mother away and for having me miscarry in September 2013. 

Had it not been for all I've experienced I may never have gotten my faith back. Had I not lost my unborn child I never would have changed OB/GYNs & ended up at PMMC getting scanned by an ultrasound tech that changed my life. I wouldn't have gotten my faith back in the Lord. I mean maybe I would have. But maybe not in this way. Had I not lost the baby in September 2013 I may never have ventured back to church. But I did lose the baby, and I lost my faith. I lost my way. Until now. That woman changed my life. 

God has a bigger plan. He always does. He knew what He was doing when he had me lose my baby, He was preparing me for something bigger and better. For a relationship with Him to be stronger than it ever was before! He sent me this woman to tell me about her church and all it had to offer me. And I'm blessed to have met this woman. And I thank her from the bottom of my heart. 

Divine appointment is a beautiful thing.

Have a great Sunday!

Xoxo, Jenna 

New Years Resolutions

No but really. I'm not making the generic "new year new me" resolutions. Instead I'll compile a list of some things that I would like to accomplish this year. Also, don't make fun of people that make resolutions to become fit or in shape, at least they're doing something about their life and their situation. I commend people that can do that and even if they fall off the wagon they end up sticking to it. 

*12 ACCOMPLISHMENTS FOR 2015*

1. EAT HEALTHIER 

I know this sounds like a generic resolution but honestly I just need to eat better. Don't get me wrong I don't eat like crap all the time - but I do allow myself to indulge occasionally. And let's be honest, it's easier to eat like crap than it is to eat healthy. And it's also cheaper... BUT I have a solution for that. So many people think that you can't eat right because of money ... and granted eating organically can be pricey but you can shop on a budget & get everything you need to be healthy. I shop at a grocery store called Aldi and I seriously LOVE it. It's delicious food for less than going to a place like Giant, Acme, Shop Rite, etc. Although I'll admit I do go to supermarkets for meats and things like that, but if you're looking for fresh, delicious produce, then head to Aldi or even your local farmers market. 

2. HAVE A FIT PREGNANCY

Nicole "Snooki" LaValle and Ashley Horner are 2 women I truly look up to in my life. And seeing how driven and determined they were during their pregnancy gives me the motivation to do the same thing. Granted I'm sure I'll have days where I can't even think of working out but I still really want to be fit and healthy. Plus the benefits of working out while pregnant are substantial. It's been said that labor and delivery are easier, and your body will bounce back quicker than if you didn't. Although some women are just blessed enough to have amazing bodies after baby and mad props to them. I would really like to get the Recreating You trainer by Ashley Horner which is at home program but I gotta convince my hubby ;) I also would like to get a treadmill or elliptical that I have access to as well. It'll be good especially for after Baby L. arrives because I can walk on that when the baby is napping or playing and I'll be right there. Snooki really inspires me though because she did a complete and total transformation..she went from party girl to amazing fit mom and she's completely different now and I look up to her. This is a definite goal that I want to stick with not only during my pregnancy but after as well. 

3. GROW MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

I chose that verse because it was one of my moms favorites and it is now on her headstone. For those of you who don't know me personally or know me on that level, 2013 was the worst year of my life. My mom fell ill in January 2013 and we learned that her cancer had returned - but this time it took up housing in her lungs, adrenal glands and brain. From the moment it started we all just knew that the outcome was a bleak one and it wouldn't end like her original story. In 2001 - on Flag Day (and the only reason I remember this is because my mom always told us the story about the questions that the doctors asked her at Jefferson) - my mom got an extreme migraine... she laid down and woke up and ended up vomiting all over the downstairs bathroom...funny the things you remember huh? Long story short that started our family on a journey of triumph... my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Glioblastoma Multiforme, an aggressive brain cancer with a LESS THAN 1% chance of survival... she was given a treatment plan and 6 months to live. She beat the odds and overcame the cancer and we were overjoyed. And then 2013 happened. It was fast moving and terrible. Our family spent countless weeks in hospitals, rehab centers and eventually hospice care. My mom put up a hell of a fight but succumbed to the cancer on March 29, 2013. She fought up until her very last breath. What does this have to do with faith and God you ask? Well pretty much everything. My mom getting so sick again and watching her slowly die in front of our eyes was something I can never erase from my memory no matter how hard I try..but my mom was so strong and she was a woman of unwavering faith and love for Christ. When she had gotten sick and eventually passed I found myself blaming God for what had happened. I constantly thought to myself that if there was a God he wouldn't do this to my mom and our family again. There's no way a God would do that to someone when there are so many other people in the world that are crappy human beings -- it sounds terrible to say but it's the God's honest truth. 

Although my relationship with God is stronger now than it was then it isn't as strong as I would like it to be. It's hard for me to find a good church to attend and then actually go especially with a cranky toddler. But what I learned from the loss of my mom was that God definitely has bigger plans for us than we know of. My mom was suffering so terribly and it was something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I'm blessed to have had her as my mom for as long as I did because some people aren't that lucky. Heaven needed her more than we did and she's no longer suffering or in pain and I'm so thankful to God for that. Because nobody should have lived the way my mom was. It was painful for her to live with and painful for us to watch. I miss her everyday though. So one thing I want to do this year is become closer to God again... on the level of going to church, praying more frequently and having an overall closer relationship with the Lord. 

4. STICK WITH SCHOOL

I have changed my mind so many times it's borderline ridiculous. I attended the local community college and excelled greatly at it but it didn't work for me especially after the loss of my mom, and then I didn't have a reliable babysitter to watch Caleb for me so I could go to school... I'm definitely not as lucky as some people in that department. I then attended a local "technical school" for medical assistant which proved to be a bust because the school is basically run by a bunch of scam artists. It's ridiculous, so I left there. The Chief of Police at my husbands PD told me about the online university he attends to get his Master's Degree so I looked into that... online works for me because I'm a busy mom with no daycare access (lets face it that is expensive!) or a babysitter. This is the next best thing. So I got some more information and I'm currently in my first semester at Bellevue University majoring in psychology. I really love it, the teachers are great, curriculum is great and it's an overall challenging program but I really enjoy it and I'm happy with it. It's something that I definitely don't want to lose site of especially with being pregnant and having another baby in July. It's amazing the difference from college and high school. I love college and hated going to high school. LOL. So I'm glad I found something education wise I really love to do.

5. TRY NEW AND HEALTHY RECIPES

I love this website... last thanksgiving I actually prepared my entire thanksgiving feast according to this website. Right down to the crockpot turkey and boy was it delicious. Plus it was healthy so indulging wasn't full of all the guilt.

It's hard to believe that I used to not even cook. I could burn water. It was pretty bad. But I love cooking now and trying new things to cook for my family. Maybe I'll make my own cookbook one day ;) lol. But for now I'm just content with cooking.

6. MOVE

I have lived in Pottstown for going on 3 years now I think. My apartment isn't bad but I need more space and I need a better area. There is crime everywhere but as of lately it's gotten worse. And honestly I hate apartment living. We live on a main road and it's pretty noisy at times but we always get stuck with really crappy neighbors. When we first moved in here we had these crappy neighbors upstairs that literally were up all night long making SO much noise. I think we called the cops on them within the first week of living here. Blaring music and yelling and partying. I understand wanting to enjoy yourself but come on, be respectful. Especially at 4:00 am. They ended up getting evicted and then another group of rude people moved in. They didn't renew their lease after a year but it was still a year of dealing with partying and bs from them. The other guy that lives upstairs is really nice but he's a serious alcoholic... we never had issues with him (per say) but his ex-girlfriend (who no longer lives there) and then his niece and her lowlife boyfriend caused a lot of problems. It was really bad... constantly calling the cops on them and they were always screaming at us and dealing drugs out of the apartment and the guy was a criminal. Cops were always pounding on the doors to get him locked up. Luckily he's in jail now and our landlord laid down the law and basically told the guy upstairs "you make them leave or you do" and chose the better option. The guy above us now is probably the best one so far... he plays his guitar sometimes really loud and obnoxiously but he's all around a decent human being. I forgot to mention that we live above a karate studio.. and while it isn't an all day thing the noise is getting to be too much for us. It's always constant thumping and banging and loud noise. And now the karate instructor brings his annoying dog to every class he teaches and he barks the entire time.

I also am in dire need of a backyard and a basement. Right now we are lucky enough to have a washer and dryer hookup in our apartment but the washer is in our bedroom closet and the dryer is in the living room... I really want a house that I can have them next to each other in a separate room. I want a backyard so I can take Caleb outside to run around and play and to enjoy the sunshine. We have a yard now but it's a pain to get to and everyone in the building has access to it. And it isn't well kept either because my landlord doesn't care. OH and I need a bigger kitchen with more counter space and a dishwasher would be amazing. But really we need more space and to be away from the main part of town. Our lease is up in October so Lord willing we will find something we like and be able to get out of here. 

7. LET GO OF GRUDGES & STOP LETTING THINGS GET TO ME SO BAD

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words may never hurt me"... I'm beginning to think that whoever wrote that was a bully or had never been bullied before because words can hurt more than stones if you ask me. One thing I want to stop doing though is letting the things people say to me or about me get me so upset that it completely ruins my mood and then I'm depressed about it. I need to start letting things go in one ear and out the other. Some people only feel better when hurting others verbally (or physically). So that's one thing I want to focus on because I'll be an all around happier person. So while I know that some people will hurt me with the things that they say and do, I will try really hard to not let it get to me as badly as before. 

Letting go of grudges is better for your health. And that's something I really want to do. I started already by doing so with my brother in law. We didn't see eye to eye on things and we had more than one huge blowup fight. It took a long time but letting go of that grudge has made me pretty happy and I don't feel constantly sick about it all the time. It's just something to think about. There is no sense in holding grudges it benefits nobody and makes you angry inside. 

8. HAVE MORE DATE NIGHTS WITH THIS GUY.

It happens. You have kids and life gets busy and you seem to disconnect from "alone time" with one another. We used to go out for date nights maybe once a month, and now I couldn't tell you the last time we went out together just on a date. So in 2015 I want to go on a date night with my husband at least once or twice a month.  It's important that we stay connected together and go out and do special things together without kids involved. Our first date night in 2015 will be on January 6th because we are going to the Flyers Game, so I think that's a good start.

9. STEP AWAY FROM TECHNOLOGY

Our world is run by technology. The latest iPhone, Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. It's everywhere you turn. Growing up I remember getting dial up AOL internet and thinking it was the coolest thing in the world. Now every where you turn it's "free wifi"; "like us on Facebook"; or "follow me on Instagram/Twitter". People are constantly looking at their phones. Texting someone, on Facebook or another social networking site and while it's okay to do that (and Lord knows I'm completely guilty of it) it runs peoples lives. I went with my family to see Frozen on Ice on Christmas and I was amazed at the amount of parents just messing around on their phones and not seeing the joy and happiness on their children's faces. Younger kids do it too. You see them out with friends or out to dinner and people are on their phones the entire time. In 2015 I promise to stay off my phone so much and just enjoy life. Turn my phone off and watch a movie or cuddle with Caleb (I do those things now) just have NO INTERRUPTIONS. Play a game. Talk to one another. Just stop being so absorbed in technology.

10. EMIT THE NEGATIVITY.

This seems to be a reoccurring theme with me. But at times I've been surrounded by some really shitty people. I solemnly promise that in 2015 I will cut out the negative people from my life and the life of my family -  No matter who they may be. I went through a lot in my past. I was addicted to drugs and an all around shithead and I can admit that. A few years ago I was in complete denial and "everyone was just out to get me"... but I grew up and realized that wasn't the case at all. I was just a shitty person. But I'm not that person anymore. I'm doing really well. I'm clean and sober, married with a beautiful family. But some people live in the past of yesterday and refuse to let things go no matter what it is. And honestly I don't need that kinda thing in my life. GOOD VIBES ONLY - NEGATIVITY NEED NOT APPLY. I need happiness and happy people. Negative people will only bring me down.

Fitting into this category is cutting out negative friends/acquaintances. Lets face it we all have those friends. The ones that are always complaining about something going on and it seems like they are never happy about anything. You tell them something going on in your life and they immediately revert it back to something about them. And completely rain on your parade. (I get it, we all have bad days. We're human but some people take it to a whole new level). I don't want those kind of people in my life. What kind of friends are they if they are constantly bringing you down? No friends of mine.

11. BREASTFEED

Before I know it Baby L. will be here. I breastfed Caleb but I ended up giving up because all I did was leak milk. It wasn't that I couldn't do it but I honestly produced so much milk that I couldn't keep up. I was soaking through breast pads like it was going out of style. I would put washcloths in my nursing bras only to soak through them within 15-20 minutes. But breastfeeding is something that I am passionate about, something that I know I can do if my mindset is right and I'm committed. I'm sure it'll be hard at first but I know I can do anything that I set my mind to. Breast is best after all. 

12. CREATE A KICKASS NURSERY

When my mother in law moved out we turned Caleb's bedroom into an ultimate boys room. With a bunch of painting, giant Cars decals and even a Lightning McQueen bed. It's awesome. We are lucky enough that our landlord lets us renovate and do projects here because it's only improving. For Baby L. I definitely want to make an amazing nurse... we didn't have that option when Caleb was a little baby because we went through some moving issues and then he shared a room with us at my mother in laws house so this time I really want to switch around and create an amazing nursery - thank God for Pinterest right? I also want to get a loft bed for Caleb to free up some space in his room - he currently has a full bed and it takes up a lot of room. Especially because if we have another boy they'll be sharing a bedroom.

To go along with this I want to do more at home projects. We are thinking of knocking out our kitchen wall to give us more room because there isn't a lot of space (I'm talking a closet is probably bigger)... and I want to stain our deck and maybe get a nice set for out there. Just some things I really want to do. They seem easy now but I'm sure they're tedious and time consuming but definitely fun. We had a lot of fun doing Caleb's room and planning a nursery is something I'm excited for. 

That's all I can think of right now but they are all things that I want to do and feel that I need to do. I hope everyone has a wonderful happy and healthy new year. And that 2015 is better than 2014 - I know that it will be for me. <3 

- XOXO, Jenna

Baby Liczbinski

Christmas Eve Baby Bump: 

Although it could be a poop baby at this point lol. 

How far I am: 10 weeks today

Baby L. is: 

How I'm feeling: Super sleepy. I went from chronic insomniac to being able to pass out in 10 minutes. Definitely a good thing because I could barely sleep before that; I have some nausea but no morning sickness; nipple tenderness; my boobs are kind of leaking already too.. Which they leaked really early with Caleb also.; the bright blue veins in my boobs are looking like a road map right now but they are carrying a ton of extra blood to Baby L. 

Food cravings: fruit...especially grapes and California Roll (don't worry I know that I can't have raw fish) and I always want hard boiled eggs & red bell peppers with French dressing

Food Aversions: cup of noodles! I used to love them & now I can barely put the noodles in my mouth without feeling sick to my stomach. 

Obviously every pregnancy and every woman is different! You may have some of these, none of them or all of them! Don't worry though. After the 1st trimester a lot of these symptoms diminish! Hang in there.<3

Workouts/Exercise: right now I'm only doing some walking when I can... To get to this point for me was exhausting and nerve wracking enough so I'm going to start up Focus T25 on Monday - it's a Beachbody program designed by Shaun T. 25 minutes a day, 5-6 days a week. I also want to look into the Recreating You trainer by Ashley Horner. Which can be done at home for those mamas that can't make it to the gym. T25 is a completely at home program also by the way. :) 

Baby L. on 12/23 at my appointment... Heart rate was 176 BPM<3 and I could see the little face and nose and arm and leg buds which is completely amazing! And they were wiggling around, how precious! I was 9 weeks and 3 days. My due date keeps changing as well July 24th 2015 is the current EDD from my doctor. 

Speaking of doctors, I ended up switching from my original practice of about 4 years to a brand new one and I couldn't be happier with the change. My original office (where I delivered Caleb) has multiple doctors and while I loved 3 of them the others I wasn't too fond of AND the one performed by botched surgery when I miscarried that almost killed me. So I ended up switching to a completely new practice which has truly been a God send... I am usually pretty partial to having a female doctor but my doctor I have now is a male and his name is Dr. Ott and he is the most amazing doctor I have ever encountered. You can tell he generally loves what he does and he takes the time to set me at ease and answer any and all questions that I may have. So that's been a true blessing. 

My next appointment is for nuchal translucency testing and that is on January 19th so it's coming up soon & we will have another ultrasound that I'll hopefully be able to share with you all. <3 

Thanks for reading. <3 Have a great night.

XOXO, Jenna

Life with the Liczbinski's

It's time for me to get back to one of my true passions (besides my family) and that's writing. I am going to share everything on this blog from recipes, crafts, family photos, fitness tips, & I'm going to be documenting my pregnancy from beginning to end... but first I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself and my family.

My name is Jenna Liczbinski and I'm 28 years old living in Pennsylvania with my husband Ray and our 3 year old son Caleb. I moved to PA from New Jersey around 5-6 years ago - maybe even more - but either way moving here was the best decision I have ever made because it brought me to my husband. I am a college student attending Bellevue University (online) as a psychology major which definitely proves to be difficult with a toddler running around. My husband Ray is a police officer and a damn good one. It's rather nerve-wracking for me as a wife to have to watch my husband go out the door every day for work afraid he might not come home... but it's something that he loves and is passionate about and I respect everything he does.

Last September 2013 I suffered a miscarriage that almost cost me my life, after a botched D&C procedure where placental tissue was left behind. 13 days later I woke up hemorrhaging and passing blood clots the size of softballs (TMI - oh well). My husband found me slumped over in the shower and immediately rushed me to the emergency room where they determined by emergency surgery that placenta was life inside of me causing a toxic infection. Had it not been for my husband I probably wouldn't be here today writing this blog. The trauma my body sustained from 2 surgeries 2 weeks apart was rather devastating. It completely messed up my menstrual cycle and I was in constant pain... it was really a low point for me. Then I got results back following my follow up appointment that my pap smear was severely abnormal & I would need a colposcopy done immediately. I'll spare you the details of that but my body was suffering from being consistently poked and prodded. The results of that confirmed more fear -- cancerous cells had been found on my cervix and I needed a LEEP procedure done to have them removed. The LEEP procedure is something that I can only pray that I never have to experience again. LEEP stands for Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure and it's just as awful as it sounds...done in a doctors office I was completely awake for this and only numbed. My husband wasn't even allowed back in the room with me which made it even more traumatizing for me. It sends electric currents to the area and removes them. The machine just looks scary. & thankfully they got everything out. But again now my body had to heal again from this procedure.

 Going back for my follow-up carried more bad news... "We aren't sure you're going to be able to get pregnant again," were my then doctors words to be. Short and to the point. "Your body has gone through quite a bit of trauma and we removed a lot of your cervix." I was devastated. My husband and I wanted to expand our family but now it seemed next to impossible. But doctors aren't always right and miracles do happen every day. So when I saw those 2 pink lines pop up on a pregnancy test when I was only 2 days late I had a rush of a lot of different emotions. While we were undoubtedly happy, I was definitely fearful that this would end the same way as before -- I'm only human. It would be crazy for me not to be afraid at least a little bit... especially after all I had gone through.

We announced that we were pregnant on Christmas with a simple announcement, "Merry Christmas from our growing family to yours!' <3 I had gotten my 2nd ultrasound on 12/23 and I was 9 weeks and 3 days and the little baby bean had a strong heartbeat of 176 BPM. =) Our prayers were answered. We were successfully pregnant & our little baby was healthy!!

Merry Christmas from our growing family to yours! <3 

Proud big brother Caleb hopes for a sister! :) 

All because 2 people fell in love. <3 

I would be lying if I said we weren't still nervous for what's to come... but I am overjoyed to the say the least. I put my faith in God and I know that He's got this. And will provide. And for that I am truly grateful. I'm thankful for the support system that I have standing behind me and would be lost without them. Some people still pass judgment on me because of past mistakes that I had made and for the person that I was before, but all I can say to them is I'm happy and my family is happy and that's all that matters <3 I am not the person I once was years ago and if people can't let that go then that is on them. But we won't stand for any negativity or harsh words from people. Those who support us are there and we are thankful for them. 

I am hoping to be able to consistently work out during my pregnancy & document a fit and healthy lifestyle with whoever chooses to read my blog. I will share workouts, healthy recipes and a bunch of other things :) 

this is LIFE WITH THE LICZBINSKI'S! 

XOXO - Jenna <3